Your primary style
Compromising
You aim for the middle ground - a fair deal, to you, is one where each side gains something and each side lets something go.
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Your conflict-handling profile
Compromising, secondary style: Collaborating
How strongly each of the five styles shows in you, from the most pronounced to the weakest.
Whether one style clearly dominates or you choose your approach to suit the situation.
36spread between styles
There is a big gap between your strongest and your weakest style, so you have a clear preference - and that has its upsides and its limits. In the disputes that suit your style you are in your element; where a different approach would fit better, you reach for your own out of habit. The tips below aim straight at your strongest style.
How your strongest style works, how to spot it and what a heated dispute does to it.
Your primary style
You aim for the middle ground - a fair deal, to you, is one where each side gains something and each side lets something go.
Compromising guards two things at once: that the dispute gets settled and that both sides can carry the outcome. So you do not look for the solution in depth but halfway there - you quickly work out what you can let go of and you offer a trade. A style is a preference, not a rule: you reach for it first, and over something you do not want to split, even you switch.
At work, after twenty minutes of haggling you are the one who speaks up with a way to divide it - and the meeting moves again. At home it shows in small trades: "your film tonight, mine next time", "I will sort this one out, you take that one". People treat you as a fair counterpart, because with you they know everyone walks away with something.
When a dispute heats up, you start conceding faster - mainly so that it ends. The deal then lands somewhere in the middle, only it does not really help either of you, and the subject comes back in a few weeks.
Your second strongest style and how it complements or balances the main one.
Secondary style
As your second strongest style it gives your main approach depth: even when you run the conversation differently, you want to know what lies behind it and you look for a solution rather than a win. Disputes therefore genuinely close more often with you, just count on the price - it costs extra time and energy, and over small things people can read your questions as hesitation.
Five steps picked straight for your primary style.
Do not try them all at once - pick one and give it a month.
When compromise works
It works best when the claims of both sides are about equally strong, time is short and the stakes are not fundamental - who picks the kids up today, how the shifts get split, where you will meet. It serves nicely as a fallback too: when the search for the ideal solution gets stuck, a fair half keeps the negotiation moving. Here speed is a value in its own right.
When it costs you
It costs you where the difference cannot be split - over values, over safety, or over things that will repeat for years. What comes out is a deal that suits neither side, and the subject returns in a month in worse shape. There is a risk in the speed as well: a fifty-fifty split offered in the fifth minute closes the conversation before a better solution has had a chance to show up.
Hold back the first offer
On important subjects, deliberately push your first offer of a trade back by at least ten minutes and spend that time on questions. When the compromise then arrives, it will rest on what matters to whom, not on splitting a number. On the things you genuinely care about, name in advance the single one you will not concede.
Trade by importance
Instead of splitting every item in half, have both sides rank the contested points by importance - out loud and on paper is fine. Then trade whole points: what is first for the other person and third for you, let go entirely, and the other way round. The deal comes just as fast - the difference is that each of you walks away with what matters most, instead of half of everything.
Phrases for real life
"Before we split this down the middle - what is the most important part of this for each of us?" "I will leave this one to you entirely, this one I will keep. Does that work?" "Let us try it this way for a month and then sit down again." The first question holds you up by a minute, but it often turns a fair deal into a good one; the same sentences work just as well at work.
The situations in which this style would serve you well, and how to keep it in mind.
Least-used style
You do not avoid conflict, so things get dealt with in time and nothing festers. Even so, it is worth being able to let a subject lie now and then - when you are both tired, when somebody is worked up, or when it is a small thing that will be gone by morning - because putting a conversation off is not a retreat, it is a choice.
This test is for self-discovery purposes and does not replace professional psychological assessment.
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